Feminist Writings: “Some Thoughts on Separatism and Power” by Marilyn Frye

Marilyn Frye’s “Some Thoughts on Separatism and Power” is an eye-opening piece that stands the test of time. It’s funny how true it is-that the more things change, the more they stay the same.

Bit by bit I practice female separatism with the hope of reaching it fully one day, living on my dream land near fellow feminist women; inspired by the Womyn’s Lands of the U.S. or the Umoja Uaso Women’s Lands of Kenya. I face barriers of living a life free from men since they make up half of the population; the half with the majority of power and control. I have a brother I love, many nephews, there are men in my workplaces, and men are in all the industries I frequent for goods and services. But this doesn’t mean I ever forget that all these men (and boys) including my own brother, benefit from the entitlement granted to males and have no incentive to give it up. I wholeheartedly feel for heterosexual women or women with sons because their path presents additional obstacles. Being an economically stable, childfree, lesbian woman means I can reduce the number of men in my life more easily. Even so, I still have to contend with lesbian and bisexual women who use male supremacist ideology to control me in romantic relationships. I still have to contend with female friends who live in cognitive dissonance about the men in their lives. I still have to contend with the statistically likely misogynistic man around any given corner. I tread cautiously because survival is my human instinct and under male supremacy, female-only spaces are the ultimate threat to male domination.

Yet when the challenges arise, I motivate myself by listening to guidance from other feminists who are working toward or fully achieving female separatism. I cherish and admire these women. I build in the question, “How can I support a woman?” in all facets of my life: when picking which shows to watch, books to read, or goods and services to purchase, who to give spare change to on the street, who to offer assistance to, who I give the time of day. I also work to hold strong boundaries so the women I do let in don’t inadvertently use me to compensate for the strategic incompetence of men in their lives. Though I deeply empathize with their desperation, I’ve realized that the metaphorical “village” is made up almost exclusively of women (particularly those who are childfree and/or romantically unattached) and this is a direct outcome of men siphoning free labor off of women because of their lazy entitlement. I carefully prune the female relationships in my life so I can grow in a nourishing garden alongside other women who can meet me where I’m at. I refuse to date anyone until I meet a woman willing to uphold these same standards (in lesbian allyship with the 6B4T Movement). And I keep my heart open, albeit frustratingly so, for women who are further enmeshed in male supremacist ideology and don’t yet see their chains of female subjugation.

I’ve learned to take my contemplation and journey with separatism one day at a time. I question what I fear and find answers in the company of other women. I grow my community of female freedom fighters and persist knowing that each of us serves as wise elder for the next generation of girls, and they serve as young dreamers reigniting the movement. I grieve the steps we take backward and slow down and celebrate the steps forward in the name of liberation.

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” ~ Elizabeth Appell (aka Lassie Benton)

Note on Social Movements; It’s a centuries-long marathon, not a sprint.

📚 Resources to Explore:

• “Some Thoughts on Separatism and Power” by Marilyn Frye

• ”Finding Women’s Lands and Lesbian Communities“

• ”Landykes: Women’s Land Communities, Pt. 1" on YouTube Old Lesbians @oldlesbians4429

• Umoja Uaso Women’s Land

• ”Reclaiming Her Rights: Life at the Women's-Only Village of Umoja Uaso”

✍️ Journal Reflection Prompts:

• Who and what do you center in your life?

• Are your relationships mutually beneficial or do you give more than you receive?

• How do you support women in your everyday life?